I'm sorry Mom but this is how I feel

    Have any of you matured too fast? I have. I have not been like a normal teenager at all. All the teens I know (well except for certain ones) have snuck out, ditched, gone to parties (both types with and without alcohol) and I have just now began being able to go to friends for a little while. I'm told I need to start acting more my age and then I get told I can't go do stuff with friends or G. My friend Em asks if I want to go do something and I don't ask because I know it will be a no on my side. And sometimes I'll ask a week or so ahead of time and then when I ask again we suddenly have big "chores" or "projects" to do or we suddenly have stuff planned even though I've been making plans, that are known about, for a week or so. I'm getting kind of tired of it. But the worst thing about it? I don't even feel comfortable enough with my parents to bring that up. THEY are the ones that said I needed to act like a teenager. THEY are actually very lucky I'm not like many of the teenage girls at my school walking around pregnant, drunk, high, ditching, or sneaking out late to have sex. I have proven again and again that I am more trust worthy than many of my classmates (I live in Casper, one of the cities with the biggest drug problems in Wyoming).
   The people I actually befriend, except a couple of ex's which I learned from, are also trust worthy people. Em is kind of a prude and she is very responsible. G is responsable and for a teenage boy he has AOLT of restraint (compared to others I know and I mean 6 months of dating and we haven't made out that takes a lot compared to some guys I know). S, even though she no longer lives here, is fairly responsable and only had a couple of problems. Kate (Japanese classmate [as in we took Japanese together]) is responsable, has a job and everything. And I have gone to I think 3 or so parties at my friends. I finally got to go to club activities but no it is a pain for people to get me home so I can't go anymore (or that's the reason my mom gives and I apparently can't wait for half an hour or so to have G take me home according to them). And I can never leave my house for more than 4 hours and even that is a rarity.
    I get so overwhelmed that I just want to escape my house for a few hours and be with friends, G, or by myself and I don't get that. Bub gets to go to the park whenever she likes and I can barely leave the house for a walk once in a while. And that really sucks because my mom has hip problems and I want to prevent stuff like that from happening to me by exercising like my dad suggested.
   Well I guess that's all I can say other than I'm sorry mom but that is truly how I feel. I wish I could bring it up in person but ever since you started writing your book and my grandparents started making accusations you have kinda turned into what they have said. I'm just glad they were wrong about one point. No matter how you cat you never lash out at us and for that I am very grateful. Not everyone gets that chance now a days. And I really miss the days where we could talk about everything with out you throwing accusations or insults at what/who I want to talk about.



Please, other mom's who are reading this don't treat your kids like that, and teens or other kids reading this please talk to your parents it is so much safer than not in many cases.

Normal protective friend or OVERPROTECTIVE!!!???

    Okay so I know my friends got a little bit protective after my relationship with Donkey but my friend Em kinda has been going overboard this time. Okay to start off with she and G never really talked much before, the occasional hi or how are you, but now she won't even say that to him. So yesterday I had second block with them (dropped AP History and aid for their teacher now) and G and I were talking about something funny that had happened at one of the debate meets and all of the sudden Em butts in quite rudely and loudly. She didn't know what we were talking about and just kind of angered us. And yesterday there was a presentation on the 3.11 earthquake and tsunami by Japanese students who lived in the area (here's kind of an explanation on how and why they are here) so we headed to the auditorium and it was snowing outside (classroom is in a portable) and I mentioned my neck was cold when the snow hit it so G let go of my hand to place it on my neck for me but Em saw that and put her hand on it before he could, kinda bragging that she beat him to it. I really didn't like how she was holding my neck cause 1 her hands were COLD!!!!!! 2 it kind of felt like she was dragging me closer to her so I complained till she let go and G put his hand there.
      Then the doorways to the auditorium are kind of small so Em cut G off so he couldn't walk by me for a while and she wouldn't stop talking to me so I couldn't talk to him at all. She also pointed out three seats and kinda sorta dragged us down there with her. At that point I sat down and put my head on G's shoulder and turned my back to her kinda. The whole presentation I kinda ignored her cause I was wondering what had gotten into her, and I may have kinda sorta fallen asleep at one point (not my fault G's shoulder is comfy!).
     Anyways, I sent her a message on facebook asking what was wrong, if she had a problem and she hasn't seen it yet so if she doesn't see it by Tuesday (next time I have class with them) I will just talk to her before class starts. My mom and Bub thinks she may just miss spending time with me but if that's the problem I wish she'd just tell me. But I also wish that if that is the problem she wouldn't just make it my job to hunt her down since I have a full day of school and she doesn't. She knows my classes she can always come and say hi or invite me to lunch once in a while when she doesn't work. Also, when I try to talk to her before second block starts she's always talking to someone else and kind of ignoring me so I give up and go talk to G and B (classmate I've known since 8th grade).

I'm just really wondering if she has suddenly become like my father should be acting (he's knows EVERYTHING that happened with past boyfriends) or if she just misses me.

Writing

   Okay to begin I love writing! And I mostly only write romance so of course there are those scenes in there somewhere. But anyway, today I was reading what I have of a story I'm personally writing and I noticed that I tend to put a lot of my personal traits in my main female characters.
    I've noticed that in all my writings I've put myself into my characters and based others off of people I know/have known. Not enough for them to tell of course but you know I still see it. Like my main male character is kind of based off of G but he's still different, and the main antagonist is based off of my fears of what Donkey could have become had I stayed with him. Probably the only characters I don't do that with are the main characters' parents. But all my mother characters are upbeat and crazy and the fathers are the calm peace keepers.
    Another thing I've noticed is that I always put my stories in settings that I'm comfortable in. Like the current one is on a cruise ship (I've been on 2), but I will also have the setting in places like a small town in Wyoming (lived in one, kinda), Las Vegas (grew up near it), or high school (since I'm still in it for now). I can not write my stories in setting that I do not know/ am not uncomfortable with. I can kind of write one set in Alaska since I have been a couple times but I couldn't write one set in, let's say, Germany since I've never been.
    Oh and I can not write a story without a plot/story to it. I have read one without and I have enjoyed reading them but I can not write one without it. It may be a small one, like the guy needed to please his mother and not hurt her by having a "girlfriend" or comforting someone after a major loss and their battle to get back to a normal life.

    And next I'll talk about genre. I can write romance with hints of comedy and suspense in it but I can not write a full comedy, suspense, horror, scifi, supernatural, etc. I have tried and my stories I write in those all sound like books I've read so I scrap them. And even my comedic and suspenseful elements aren't that noticeable most of the time.

    Well that's just my tangent on writing. And my mom is currently writing a romance novel and has a website with some excerpts so I leave you with that link: JJ Ellis

I love ham, but is sure doesn't like me

     I know it sucks having an allergy to food but in my opinion it's worse to have an intolerance (well unless you are deadly allergic then that is defiantly the worst). There is a difference between them even though some people don't know that. An allergy can make you itch, tongue/throat swell, red splotches appear on your skin, maybe upset you stomach a little, etc. An intolerance is your stomach feeling like someone is stabbing it repeatedly (at least in my experience).

     You all have heard of lactose intolerant I'm sure and luckily that's not what I have my problem with. But I have problems with seafood and ham. I know seafood is common to have problems with but ham? Come on who, besides me and my mom, has a problem ham? Even the slightest bit of ham or juice from it and I am basically laying in my bed/sitting on the couch all day when not in the bathroom. I'll spare you the details. But when this happens, if it's a school day, it makes me miss 2 days worth of instruction (1 class period has 2 days worth of learning in there). And I have 2 classes a day that actually have instruction (2 aiding periods) so I miss a lot, especially since I have 1 AP class a day (I will explain those in another blog entry). 

     Anyways, allergies from what I can tell can be taken care of with medicine, or in my grandmother's case (deadly allergic to fish and antidote) drinking lots and lots of water to flush it out of their system. Intolerances are a little harder to control since I don't tend to feel the affects until the next day, if I know I ate ham or took something with seafood in it I can drink lots of liquid and it helps a little. 

     If you are going to hold a pot luck or just a dinner party make sure to let people know if their is something high on the food allergen list like peanuts, fish or wheat. Know the ingredients in the food you make so when people ask you can answer and if you are absolutely not sure what to do ask your guests if they are allergic or intolerant to any food.

Picture blog

Okay so I figured since my mom did this and she said she didn't mind me "stealing" the idea from her I would go ahead and do a "Get to Know Me Through Pictures" blog.

Me with brown hair (naturally I'm blond but dye it red but decided to do something different this time :D )

My favorite book series. Stephanie Plum novels by Janet Evanovich

Took some thinking but this has got to be my favorite book so far.

One of my two all time favorite shows. Must watch haha

My other all time favorite show. Can't watch it any more though :(

Favorite color!

Absolutely adore her music

I love reading. Ever come near me while I am and you will either be ignored or glared at.

LOVE LOVE LOVE this kind of pie. The more whipped cream the better (yes, I will eat whipped cream right out of the can/tub).

My high school. I am proud to say I am a Trojan. (Yes, you can laugh at my mascot. Heard all the jokes)

Favorite drink company.

My phone that I can't live without.

FAVORITE MOVIE!!!!!!!!!

Wolves are just too adorable not to love.

Depression Can Hurt Everyone

    Okay I normally wont go into subjects that most people will shy away from or get edgy from talking about but I just feel like I need to talk about it right now.
   

     Yes, I do know what depression is. It runs in my family I am just lucky not to have it. I know depression can hurt others, sometimes really bad. All my life I have been around someone who gets depressed, my mom, and if she doesn't take her medicine to help it she can get really bad. When she gets in one of those moods she will basically shut down. She will get on the computer and basically ignore what's going on to try and get back to normal but that doesn't help (she's getting much better about that); at one point she wouldn't even drive, making it hard on the family since my dad worked and wasn't there every time we needed a ride, for fear of hurting us; and then there are those few occurrences where her depression turns to anger, normally directed at my dad or us older two, just the basic angry tick and impatient voice when something isn't done correctly. Thankfully she has figured out that every time something happens when she is on her medicine she just needs to up the does a little, or escape with Dee for a little.

     My grandma also suffers from depression but I don't live close enough to really see when she does go into that state, which I'm guessing isn't very often. I also have friends, like S, who have depression problems. Right now my boyfriend (G) is having some problems with it. I hate seeing him upset but I don't know what I can do to help him other than hug him but I can't do that since we are on break from school and I haven't seen him since the 26th.

     I actually kinda feel like I'm partially at fault for his feeling so depressed. He came to my house the 25th to give my siblings presents and wait till power came back on at his house since his family had already opened presents and since I was at my house I was my normal goofy, annoying, talkative self but when I went to his house the 26th I kinda pulled a total 180 from that because I was utterly worried of getting on his parents' bad sides. My parents both absolutely love him but I'm not so sure about his parents with me. Okay, so I know my fear shouldn't make me pull a 180 around his parents but I'm just worried they wont like me and tell him he can't see me, etc. And when I pull the 180 I pull back and kinda become distant which in turn upsets him. This time I was over I was a little better than the first time since I actually sat closer to him and stuff but the last time I was over he said no kissing so I kinda just thought the same applied this time but he said, after words, that it would have been fine to kiss him a little.
 
     Then there is of course people who have hurt him in the past that he can't completely get away from. They sure as heck don't help matters and I can't do anything about it. I try my best to be there for him but sometimes he just doesn't want to talk and if I push too much he just gets angry and more upset.

     I'll always be there to help him but sometimes it hurts me when gets angry at me. I can live with it no problem but every time I tell him it does hurt a little he says maybe he shouldn't bother me with it anymore and I hate that. What do you think I should do? Just tell him that yeah it does hurt but I want to listen to his problems and that I don't like when he says he shouldn't bother me with them any more or not say anything and just kinda suffer in silence. But no matter what I will NOT give up on him. EVER!

    Okay rant/whatever this was over, so opinions?

SEMESTER ENDS

      SEMESTER'S ALMOST DONE!!!!!!!!! I can not wait till Christmas break, or as it is now called winter break. One bad thing is that it used to be 3 weeks long and now it is barely longer than 2. I miss the 3 weeks that I was used to from 8th to 10th. Oh and my History teacher is going to assign us homework :/ I mean I know it is a college level course but my parents said that they don't have homework over breaks in college.
       Another bad thing is it's basically 2 weeks of not seeing my friends. I rarely see Em (one of my friends) but when I do she is always wearing the quirkiest outfits and looks amazing! I am unlikely to see my friends Z or Kate since I don't have Japanese next semester.

__ I should probably explain my school's schedule. We have 4 block (90 min) classes a day, a 50 min lunch and 10 min passing periods. So we have 8 different classes a year but only 4 a semester so we tend to only have people in our classes once a year __

      I am and am not looking forward to next semester's schedule. I have the same first two classes (A day English then Aiding, B day Aiding then History) then I have Physics, but that bumps my lunch back by an hour and 40 mins. This semester I have lunch at 11 but next semester I have it at 12:40. Not that I can complain too much since G has the same lunch and his first block will be aiding for the same teacher I aide for on B days. I also have to see if my math teacher would like an aide for 5th block since as of right now it is a free block but I need 2 and 1/2 credits and I only have 2 at this moment (Eng is 1/2 History is 1/2 and physics is 1. The aiding only counted for this semester).
       Gosh it just hit me that starting January 4th it is my last semester of high school.

Well that's all I can think of to post for now. Till next time!