Okay I normally wont go into subjects that most people will shy away from or get edgy from talking about but I just feel like I need to talk about it right now.
Yes, I do know what depression is. It runs in my family I am just lucky not to have it. I know depression can hurt others, sometimes really bad. All my life I have been around someone who gets depressed, my mom, and if she doesn't take her medicine to help it she can get really bad. When she gets in one of those moods she will basically shut down. She will get on the computer and basically ignore what's going on to try and get back to normal but that doesn't help (she's getting much better about that); at one point she wouldn't even drive, making it hard on the family since my dad worked and wasn't there every time we needed a ride, for fear of hurting us; and then there are those few occurrences where her depression turns to anger, normally directed at my dad or us older two, just the basic angry tick and impatient voice when something isn't done correctly. Thankfully she has figured out that every time something happens when she is on her medicine she just needs to up the does a little, or escape with Dee for a little.
My grandma also suffers from depression but I don't live close enough to really see when she does go into that state, which I'm guessing isn't very often. I also have friends, like S, who have depression problems. Right now my boyfriend (G) is having some problems with it. I hate seeing him upset but I don't know what I can do to help him other than hug him but I can't do that since we are on break from school and I haven't seen him since the 26th.
I actually kinda feel like I'm partially at fault for his feeling so depressed. He came to my house the 25th to give my siblings presents and wait till power came back on at his house since his family had already opened presents and since I was at my house I was my normal goofy, annoying, talkative self but when I went to his house the 26th I kinda pulled a total 180 from that because I was utterly worried of getting on his parents' bad sides. My parents both absolutely love him but I'm not so sure about his parents with me. Okay, so I know my fear shouldn't make me pull a 180 around his parents but I'm just worried they wont like me and tell him he can't see me, etc. And when I pull the 180 I pull back and kinda become distant which in turn upsets him. This time I was over I was a little better than the first time since I actually sat closer to him and stuff but the last time I was over he said no kissing so I kinda just thought the same applied this time but he said, after words, that it would have been fine to kiss him a little.
Then there is of course people who have hurt him in the past that he can't completely get away from. They sure as heck don't help matters and I can't do anything about it. I try my best to be there for him but sometimes he just doesn't want to talk and if I push too much he just gets angry and more upset.
I'll always be there to help him but sometimes it hurts me when gets angry at me. I can live with it no problem but every time I tell him it does hurt a little he says maybe he shouldn't bother me with it anymore and I hate that. What do you think I should do? Just tell him that yeah it does hurt but I want to listen to his problems and that I don't like when he says he shouldn't bother me with them any more or not say anything and just kinda suffer in silence. But no matter what I will NOT give up on him. EVER!
Okay rant/whatever this was over, so opinions?
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Thursday, December 6, 2012
SEMESTER ENDS
SEMESTER'S ALMOST DONE!!!!!!!!! I can not wait till Christmas break, or as it is now called winter break. One bad thing is that it used to be 3 weeks long and now it is barely longer than 2. I miss the 3 weeks that I was used to from 8th to 10th. Oh and my History teacher is going to assign us homework :/ I mean I know it is a college level course but my parents said that they don't have homework over breaks in college.
Another bad thing is it's basically 2 weeks of not seeing my friends. I rarely see Em (one of my friends) but when I do she is always wearing the quirkiest outfits and looks amazing! I am unlikely to see my friends Z or Kate since I don't have Japanese next semester.
__ I should probably explain my school's schedule. We have 4 block (90 min) classes a day, a 50 min lunch and 10 min passing periods. So we have 8 different classes a year but only 4 a semester so we tend to only have people in our classes once a year __
I am and am not looking forward to next semester's schedule. I have the same first two classes (A day English then Aiding, B day Aiding then History) then I have Physics, but that bumps my lunch back by an hour and 40 mins. This semester I have lunch at 11 but next semester I have it at 12:40. Not that I can complain too much since G has the same lunch and his first block will be aiding for the same teacher I aide for on B days. I also have to see if my math teacher would like an aide for 5th block since as of right now it is a free block but I need 2 and 1/2 credits and I only have 2 at this moment (Eng is 1/2 History is 1/2 and physics is 1. The aiding only counted for this semester).
Gosh it just hit me that starting January 4th it is my last semester of high school.
Well that's all I can think of to post for now. Till next time!
Another bad thing is it's basically 2 weeks of not seeing my friends. I rarely see Em (one of my friends) but when I do she is always wearing the quirkiest outfits and looks amazing! I am unlikely to see my friends Z or Kate since I don't have Japanese next semester.
__ I should probably explain my school's schedule. We have 4 block (90 min) classes a day, a 50 min lunch and 10 min passing periods. So we have 8 different classes a year but only 4 a semester so we tend to only have people in our classes once a year __
I am and am not looking forward to next semester's schedule. I have the same first two classes (A day English then Aiding, B day Aiding then History) then I have Physics, but that bumps my lunch back by an hour and 40 mins. This semester I have lunch at 11 but next semester I have it at 12:40. Not that I can complain too much since G has the same lunch and his first block will be aiding for the same teacher I aide for on B days. I also have to see if my math teacher would like an aide for 5th block since as of right now it is a free block but I need 2 and 1/2 credits and I only have 2 at this moment (Eng is 1/2 History is 1/2 and physics is 1. The aiding only counted for this semester).
Gosh it just hit me that starting January 4th it is my last semester of high school.
Well that's all I can think of to post for now. Till next time!
Thursday, November 22, 2012
What I am Thankful For
First of all Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I know people have been doing lists of things they are thankful for and I decided I should do that to.
1. I am thankful for my Family who are always there for me.
2.I am thankful for my house, it's not the best but it's still a roof over my head that some people unfortunately don't get to enjoy.
3. I am thankful for my boyfriend. He is a caring, sweet, loving young man who has a hard time at home and with "friends" but he is always there for me and I am always there for him. Without knowing him I would probably be stuck with some &^&*%^( who treats me badly.
4. I am thankful for Casper because it has given me the opportunity to meet so many great people.
5. I am thankful for my dog. He is a sweetie even if he is crazy.
6. I am thankful for my teachers at school. They are there to listen to my problems and help me think of solutions to those problems.
7. I am thankful for WALMART because without its low prices I have no clue how we would get by.
8. I am thankful for the internet to allow me to discover things and talk to those I love that live far away.
9. I am thankful for my cell phone because without it I could not talk with my boyfriend when he gets hurt or my mom when I need to have a private conversation.
10. I am thankful for being alive. If I wasn't alive I don't know what would happen to some of my friends, even with me alive some of them have a pretty bad life.
1. I am thankful for my Family who are always there for me.
2.I am thankful for my house, it's not the best but it's still a roof over my head that some people unfortunately don't get to enjoy.
3. I am thankful for my boyfriend. He is a caring, sweet, loving young man who has a hard time at home and with "friends" but he is always there for me and I am always there for him. Without knowing him I would probably be stuck with some &^&*%^( who treats me badly.
4. I am thankful for Casper because it has given me the opportunity to meet so many great people.
5. I am thankful for my dog. He is a sweetie even if he is crazy.
6. I am thankful for my teachers at school. They are there to listen to my problems and help me think of solutions to those problems.
7. I am thankful for WALMART because without its low prices I have no clue how we would get by.
8. I am thankful for the internet to allow me to discover things and talk to those I love that live far away.
9. I am thankful for my cell phone because without it I could not talk with my boyfriend when he gets hurt or my mom when I need to have a private conversation.
10. I am thankful for being alive. If I wasn't alive I don't know what would happen to some of my friends, even with me alive some of them have a pretty bad life.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Best Boyfriend Ever!!!!
Okay G is like the best boyfriend ever! Not only did he fallow my blog and facebook page but he did the same with my mom's. No one I know has ever done something like that. It is just awesome. Plus he is really sweet and makes me laugh like all the time without trying. I know some of you don't want to hear about how great I think G is so I'll leave it at this! :D
日本語を勉強しています。
Okay so everyone learns at least a few words of a foreign language in their life. In middle school it was mandatory to take Spanish but I could not grasp it. My friends tried teaching me French and once again I could not get a hold of the language. Finally when I was registering for high school I noticed my school offered Japanese. On a whim I signed up for it and was lucky enough to get into the class. I instantly fell in love with the language.
Even though it is ranked as one of the hardest languages to learn I picked up on it almost instantly. I was even helping my class mates that sat around me. Of course Level 1 was much easier than the other levels because 先生 (the teacher) would speak Japanese only when she was teaching us vocabulary. In Level 2 先生 started to talk to us in Japanese but would still mostly comunicate in English. Level 3 was when she really started to talk to us in Japanese. The only time she spoke English was when we got completely lost. Level 4 was pure Japanese all the time. Normally I was looked to for the translation of what she said. And this year, Level 5, 先生 has an assistent 花 who is teaching us and she speaks mostly in Japanese because she is still getting used to using English. (Oh funny side note. I am the ONLY Level 5 but there are 3-4 Level 4 and 2 Level 3 kids all in one class.)
I am going to clear the stereotype that Japanese teachers are strict. 先生 is not strict in the least. She is a sweet lady who cares about everyone in her classes. Yes she does get angry and will chew you out when you have done something wrong far too many times but she is not the strict "you have to do this this way or you fail" kind of teacher.
Now just for giggles I leave you with the Hiragana and Katakana charts (two of their three writing systems)
わ ら や ま は な た さ か あ ワ ラ ヤ マ ハ ナ タ サ カ ア
り み ひ に ち し き い リ ミ ヒ ニ チ シ キ イ
る ゆ む ふ ぬ つ す く う ル ユ ム フ ヌ ツ ス ク ウ
れ め へ ね て せ け え レ メ ヘ ネ テ セ ケ エ
を ろ よ も ほ の と そ こ お ヲ ロ ヨ モ ホ ノ ト ソ コ オ
ん ン
Even though it is ranked as one of the hardest languages to learn I picked up on it almost instantly. I was even helping my class mates that sat around me. Of course Level 1 was much easier than the other levels because 先生 (the teacher) would speak Japanese only when she was teaching us vocabulary. In Level 2 先生 started to talk to us in Japanese but would still mostly comunicate in English. Level 3 was when she really started to talk to us in Japanese. The only time she spoke English was when we got completely lost. Level 4 was pure Japanese all the time. Normally I was looked to for the translation of what she said. And this year, Level 5, 先生 has an assistent 花 who is teaching us and she speaks mostly in Japanese because she is still getting used to using English. (Oh funny side note. I am the ONLY Level 5 but there are 3-4 Level 4 and 2 Level 3 kids all in one class.)
I am going to clear the stereotype that Japanese teachers are strict. 先生 is not strict in the least. She is a sweet lady who cares about everyone in her classes. Yes she does get angry and will chew you out when you have done something wrong far too many times but she is not the strict "you have to do this this way or you fail" kind of teacher.
Now just for giggles I leave you with the Hiragana and Katakana charts (two of their three writing systems)
わ ら や ま は な た さ か あ ワ ラ ヤ マ ハ ナ タ サ カ ア
り み ひ に ち し き い リ ミ ヒ ニ チ シ キ イ
る ゆ む ふ ぬ つ す く う ル ユ ム フ ヌ ツ ス ク ウ
れ め へ ね て せ け え レ メ ヘ ネ テ セ ケ エ
を ろ よ も ほ の と そ こ お ヲ ロ ヨ モ ホ ノ ト ソ コ オ
ん ン
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Feeling Vents
Okay so my last post was about G over reacting. I in NO way was trying to make him look like a douche who did nothing but hurt me. In all actuality he is one of the sweetest people you will ever meet. Yes he over reacts but who doesn't? I am prone to over reactions, my mom is, Bub is, my dad is, my BFFs are. Any fights we have tend to last only a couple hours to a day and they always end for the better. With every fight we learn things about each other and how to handle things like that when it happens. (It also helps having people to talk to, you may not think it but teachers are a huge help!) So the main point of this is G is not the bad guy I made him out to be.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
When And When Not To Apologize
Okay so apparently I upset G last night. We were, or at least I was joking about something and then all of a sudden he goes off on me. This was over text by the way. And he wouldn't drop it when I told him that I was joking and I was sorry I upset him. Last night he told me that he was going to bed and didn't respond when I said I was sorry once again. I figured he wouldn't but it still hurt.
I should probably give you guys what I know about G. He has had some pretty bad relationships like I have but his never escalated to what mine with Donkey did. They always messed him up. Cheating, treating him like dirt, you know the usual abusive with out physical harm type relationships. Because of this he is very sensitive and doesn't trust very easy and he believes that when he is happy he will always get hurt. He also told me that in his past relationships that when ever he would get mad and say "goodbye" his exs would beg him not to say goodbye and still talk to them, but the first time he pulled that on me I said fine whatever goodnight. After a little while he apologized for trying to "manipulate" me and that he was wrong to do so and that my saying fine whatever gave him a figurative slap to knock that stuff off but he pulled it again last night but since I was hurt more that last time I apologized instead.
I don't know if that was a good idea or not. Then this morning i sent him this
I should probably give you guys what I know about G. He has had some pretty bad relationships like I have but his never escalated to what mine with Donkey did. They always messed him up. Cheating, treating him like dirt, you know the usual abusive with out physical harm type relationships. Because of this he is very sensitive and doesn't trust very easy and he believes that when he is happy he will always get hurt. He also told me that in his past relationships that when ever he would get mad and say "goodbye" his exs would beg him not to say goodbye and still talk to them, but the first time he pulled that on me I said fine whatever goodnight. After a little while he apologized for trying to "manipulate" me and that he was wrong to do so and that my saying fine whatever gave him a figurative slap to knock that stuff off but he pulled it again last night but since I was hurt more that last time I apologized instead.
I don't know if that was a good idea or not. Then this morning i sent him this
"I know I acted like an #$% last night and I'm sorry. I knew I should have stopped but I just didn't think it through and I'm sorry that I treated you like a douche bag. I understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me since i said I would do anything to not break your trust but I did it again last night and I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking and I thought that just because I was in such a good mood that I could say things I took as a joke that you would too. I'm bad about that and I need to learn not to do that.Again I am so sorry and I understand if you are upset with me and don't want to talk with me."
I sent that around 9:30 this morning and as of 11:38 he hasn't responded yet. My mom said that I had nothing to apologize for but I just have this feeling that I do since i know it is so hard to gain his trust but I have basically lost it twice. I have been trying to get him to realize that just because he is happy he wont get hurt but I have been doing a terrible job of that so far.
What do you all think? Was it a good idea to apologize or am I just feeding his over reaction by doing so? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Friday, November 9, 2012
I Love Reading. Is That Weird?
I love reading and I am always looked at strangely when I curl up with a book during school. I know others who love reading but they don't read during school. Just about every week I have a new book that I am reading and it is almost impossible to get my nose out of it.
Most of my friends either don't like reading or just plain refuse to read because they think it is a waste of time. Why is it my parents' generation loves reading but they wont push their kids to try some good books? Like I understand this generation may not like classics such as The Scarlet Letter and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, but they may like more contemporary books such as Kite Runner and American Psycho.
I will admit I didn't not used to like reading but once I read To The Nines by Janet Evanovich I fell in love with reading. To this day I love reading and will read just about anything. I even like the two classics I mentioned above. When I told my 10th grade English teacher that she gave me a strange look because in her experience she has never known a student to like both classics and modern books. It's either one or the other.
Personally I think now a days children don't like reading because of the computer and video games. I spend my fair share of time on the computer (as I am doing now) and video games but I still read a lot. Depending on the book and just how much free time I have I can normally finish a book in a day or two. My school librarians know my name well because I am always in there and they are always keeping an eye out for books I may like from past titles and authors I have read from their library.
Some people ask why I like reading so much, they think it is a waste of time. I just tell them that it puts me in a totally different world. When I read I feel like I am in the characters shoes and it helps me escape, especially when I am in one of my few depressive moods. Some people eat, some cut, some walk and some do other things to cope with being upset but I escape my world and trasport into the shoes of the leading character. Whether it is a fantasy, a romance, a historical, or a comedic book I get lost and wish for their life. Well I am babbling now so I will leave you with a list of books I suggest reading and potentially get your kids to read. I love them so they may not be a good choice for boys but I will try to get a couple mixed in there.
Stephanie Plum Novels (One For The Money-Notorious Nineteen)-Janet Evanovich
The Darkest Powers Series - Kelly Armstrong
The Hallow Trilogy - Jessica Verday
House Of Nights Series - P.C. and Kristen Cast
The Matched Series - Ally Condie
(TOTAL STEREOTYPE) Twilight Saga - Stephanie Meyer
Harry Poter Series - J.K. Rowling
The Adoration of Jenna Fox - Mary E. Pearson
Life of Pi - Yann Martle
1984 -George Orwell
The Road - Cormac McCarthy
Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Most of my friends either don't like reading or just plain refuse to read because they think it is a waste of time. Why is it my parents' generation loves reading but they wont push their kids to try some good books? Like I understand this generation may not like classics such as The Scarlet Letter and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, but they may like more contemporary books such as Kite Runner and American Psycho.
I will admit I didn't not used to like reading but once I read To The Nines by Janet Evanovich I fell in love with reading. To this day I love reading and will read just about anything. I even like the two classics I mentioned above. When I told my 10th grade English teacher that she gave me a strange look because in her experience she has never known a student to like both classics and modern books. It's either one or the other.
Personally I think now a days children don't like reading because of the computer and video games. I spend my fair share of time on the computer (as I am doing now) and video games but I still read a lot. Depending on the book and just how much free time I have I can normally finish a book in a day or two. My school librarians know my name well because I am always in there and they are always keeping an eye out for books I may like from past titles and authors I have read from their library.
Some people ask why I like reading so much, they think it is a waste of time. I just tell them that it puts me in a totally different world. When I read I feel like I am in the characters shoes and it helps me escape, especially when I am in one of my few depressive moods. Some people eat, some cut, some walk and some do other things to cope with being upset but I escape my world and trasport into the shoes of the leading character. Whether it is a fantasy, a romance, a historical, or a comedic book I get lost and wish for their life. Well I am babbling now so I will leave you with a list of books I suggest reading and potentially get your kids to read. I love them so they may not be a good choice for boys but I will try to get a couple mixed in there.
Stephanie Plum Novels (One For The Money-Notorious Nineteen)-Janet Evanovich
The Darkest Powers Series - Kelly Armstrong
The Hallow Trilogy - Jessica Verday
House Of Nights Series - P.C. and Kristen Cast
The Matched Series - Ally Condie
(TOTAL STEREOTYPE) Twilight Saga - Stephanie Meyer
Harry Poter Series - J.K. Rowling
The Adoration of Jenna Fox - Mary E. Pearson
Life of Pi - Yann Martle
1984 -George Orwell
The Road - Cormac McCarthy
Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Bad Relationship #1 Donkey
Okay so we all have bad relationships I know. I had had boyfriends in middle school but they were always just someone to call by that title. I didn't have my frist serious boyfriend until 9th grade when S (one of my best friends) introduced me to Donkey (ex-boyfriend). Once S introduced us during gym class I began texting him all the time. We asked each other the basic questions like "what's your favorite color" and "what kind of music do you like" and it all seemed good. Donkey seemed like a true gentleman but that didn't last too long.
I should have known something was wrong with him when he asked me out over text instead of in person. I was too happy to care because I really liked the person I THOUGHT he was. We still texted all the time and hung out at school whenever we could. After just a couple weeks we started saying we loved each other, warning sign #2. When he said it he almost sounded robotic after a while. The first few weeks he sounded genuine but then it almost seemed like he said it because he wanted something. Which I later found out he did want something.
Eventually we started talking over the phone. It started out platonic and sounded like typical teenagers talking about school and such but over time it progressed into talks about more "dirty" subjects. I didn't know any better because the extent of the fooling around began small. We would talk dirty but not so anything about it until Donkey's birthday. It began getting a little physical but nothing too bad. We kept that up for about a month and then the weasel took it to a whole new level. I lost my true innocence on March 22, 2010. I didn't know any better and he convinced me it was alright.
Now before you say anything about Dee being mine because of this I will have you know I was on hormone therapy for bad cramps and had that extra bonus when I needed it most.
No he did not abuse me into it this first time but eventually I began to realize it was a mistake and began telling him no. At one point he threatened our relationship if I did not give him what he wanted and that is when I realized I needed to end it. Unfortunately that was easier said then done at first because he had friends who were very scary and he would actually, discreetly, threaten to have them hurt me. Eventually I couldn't take the bullying anymore so I finally broke it off. I couldn't tell if the fallen face he gave me was true or if he was just a really good actor like when I first met him.
It ended badly for me, left me feeling used and hated. All I can offer is to all you girls out there not all men are like this but be careful. If they bring up dirty topics and you are not comfortable with it tell them. If they threaten your relationship they were never worth dating and do not diserve you. Same for you boys and please both genders do not mistreat your boyfriend/girlfriend. It can hurt them badly and that is not good. Also do not send any pictures other than head shots unless you know for sure you can trust them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was lucky and as soon as I broke up with Donkey I was able to delete all picture he had of me off his phone, some girls aren't so lucky.
I should have known something was wrong with him when he asked me out over text instead of in person. I was too happy to care because I really liked the person I THOUGHT he was. We still texted all the time and hung out at school whenever we could. After just a couple weeks we started saying we loved each other, warning sign #2. When he said it he almost sounded robotic after a while. The first few weeks he sounded genuine but then it almost seemed like he said it because he wanted something. Which I later found out he did want something.
Eventually we started talking over the phone. It started out platonic and sounded like typical teenagers talking about school and such but over time it progressed into talks about more "dirty" subjects. I didn't know any better because the extent of the fooling around began small. We would talk dirty but not so anything about it until Donkey's birthday. It began getting a little physical but nothing too bad. We kept that up for about a month and then the weasel took it to a whole new level. I lost my true innocence on March 22, 2010. I didn't know any better and he convinced me it was alright.
Now before you say anything about Dee being mine because of this I will have you know I was on hormone therapy for bad cramps and had that extra bonus when I needed it most.
No he did not abuse me into it this first time but eventually I began to realize it was a mistake and began telling him no. At one point he threatened our relationship if I did not give him what he wanted and that is when I realized I needed to end it. Unfortunately that was easier said then done at first because he had friends who were very scary and he would actually, discreetly, threaten to have them hurt me. Eventually I couldn't take the bullying anymore so I finally broke it off. I couldn't tell if the fallen face he gave me was true or if he was just a really good actor like when I first met him.
It ended badly for me, left me feeling used and hated. All I can offer is to all you girls out there not all men are like this but be careful. If they bring up dirty topics and you are not comfortable with it tell them. If they threaten your relationship they were never worth dating and do not diserve you. Same for you boys and please both genders do not mistreat your boyfriend/girlfriend. It can hurt them badly and that is not good. Also do not send any pictures other than head shots unless you know for sure you can trust them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was lucky and as soon as I broke up with Donkey I was able to delete all picture he had of me off his phone, some girls aren't so lucky.
Explaination
Okay first thing's first, an introduction. I'm a seventeen year old senior who has been through a lot. Whether concerning teachers who hate non-jocks, bad relationships or just plain feeling overwhelmed I have been there. I know, weird for a seventeen year old to want to offer advice to make people's lives easier. Well, I have never been a "normal" person. I am always told that I am far too mature for my age and I don't really know what it is like to be a kid.
I have four younger siblings, an injured mom and a dad who works all day. I have taken on a ton of responsibilities (willingly) that most teenagers run from. I change my baby sister's dipars (and yes she is my SISTER! I don't know how many times I have been asked if she is mine), I cook dinner every night, I pick up the dog's droppings, I help my mom with the bills, play with my siblings instead of holing up in my room with laptop and phone in hand, I take 2 AP (advanced placement/college classes), I used too work, etc.
I have also had my heart broken and been like a zombie multiple times already in my life. I have had multiple bad relationships in high school and I hope my current one doesn't end as badly, if it ends at all. I have been manipulated, mentally abused (didn't realize until later), and had my heart ripped out and stomped on three times. I get attached too easily and most of the time take things way too fast. I have learned to take things slower and hopefully wont revert back to the old routine.
Most people I talk to say I am crazy and I will admit that I am and everyone is surprised I haven't broken down yet. Truth be told I have broken down multiple times but it is always in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep so they can not see the weakness. I hate crying in front of other people and unless Aunt Flow is visiting I can manage to hide it until I am the only one left awake. And before you say anything I do have a very good support system in my mother, grandmother, aunt, and boyfriend. They help me through those rough times that I can not hide from and are always there for me, as I am for them.
I'm not sure how often I will update this but I am hoping that talking about my experiences will help others. Parents who find this please feel free to share it with your children as I will not use profane words and if I can not formulate a sentence without one I will put it in random characters so your children hopefully wont be able to tell what they mean.
I will also be referring to people with nicknames so as not to offend anyone. Mom and Dad will stay as such, my Grandma and Aunt will be known as just that, My boyfriend will be G, siblings will be Bub (14), O (6), T (5) and Dee (2). I will mention more people but I will describe who they are with out their names after I use the nickname.
Well I think that is it for now. Hopefully I will have the first blog up soon but who knows with homework and such! ;)
I have four younger siblings, an injured mom and a dad who works all day. I have taken on a ton of responsibilities (willingly) that most teenagers run from. I change my baby sister's dipars (and yes she is my SISTER! I don't know how many times I have been asked if she is mine), I cook dinner every night, I pick up the dog's droppings, I help my mom with the bills, play with my siblings instead of holing up in my room with laptop and phone in hand, I take 2 AP (advanced placement/college classes), I used too work, etc.
I have also had my heart broken and been like a zombie multiple times already in my life. I have had multiple bad relationships in high school and I hope my current one doesn't end as badly, if it ends at all. I have been manipulated, mentally abused (didn't realize until later), and had my heart ripped out and stomped on three times. I get attached too easily and most of the time take things way too fast. I have learned to take things slower and hopefully wont revert back to the old routine.
Most people I talk to say I am crazy and I will admit that I am and everyone is surprised I haven't broken down yet. Truth be told I have broken down multiple times but it is always in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep so they can not see the weakness. I hate crying in front of other people and unless Aunt Flow is visiting I can manage to hide it until I am the only one left awake. And before you say anything I do have a very good support system in my mother, grandmother, aunt, and boyfriend. They help me through those rough times that I can not hide from and are always there for me, as I am for them.
I'm not sure how often I will update this but I am hoping that talking about my experiences will help others. Parents who find this please feel free to share it with your children as I will not use profane words and if I can not formulate a sentence without one I will put it in random characters so your children hopefully wont be able to tell what they mean.
I will also be referring to people with nicknames so as not to offend anyone. Mom and Dad will stay as such, my Grandma and Aunt will be known as just that, My boyfriend will be G, siblings will be Bub (14), O (6), T (5) and Dee (2). I will mention more people but I will describe who they are with out their names after I use the nickname.
Well I think that is it for now. Hopefully I will have the first blog up soon but who knows with homework and such! ;)
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